pretty, odd & confused

I quit my job to start this blog

Unfortunately, I don't have a dramatic resignation story. There was no storming out and no coworkers clapping as I walked out carrying a box full of my belongings like in a 2000s romcom.

For context, I started my first job in January, right after graduating high school (which, by the way, 2025 felt like a prison sentence am I right??)

Last year and the last quarter in particular, was one of the most trying periods of my life. I had the worst fallout of my life with my friend group from eight grade, my cat died, I had a bad moment with my faith, my government was starting to sound concerningly similar to the United States. And to top it off, I went through the long, dull process of losing my best friend because we fell in love with each other. Bad stuff honestly.

So by the time January came around I wasn't exactly running on a full tank. I felt lost, isolated, exhausted and lonely.

This job was obviously at a call center because what else is an 18-year-old gonna do? The pay was good, the benefits were great, but oh God the horrors I went through. The horrors. I hated every second of it. I got terrible FOMO from my own family too.

My mom's company had recently shut down and thankfully she got enough money from it for us to live more than comfortably for the rest of the year. So my family suddenly started doing all the things we never seemed to have time for before. They went on walks together, played cards every night, rewatched our favorite shows. Hell, they even read Game of Thrones together.

Meanwhile, I was stuck in a chair getting yelled at from day to night. I didn't have time to read, write, or do any of the things I actually like doing. I swallowed it until May.

Quitting was not an easy decision for me because I don't quit things. If anything, I have the opposite problem. I will drag my dismembered guts to the finish line long after I've stopped enjoying the race because quitting feels morally wrong to me and that goes for everything in my life.

If I'm not pushing through, some irrational part of my brain immediately lets me know I'm a failure and I deserve to be eaten alive by hungry wolves. It gets ugly real fast.

My family are my favorite people too. We're each other's worst nightmares and best friends, and I was missing out on all this bonding that was happening without me. And also I just don't want to spend the rest of my life enslaving myself to a corporate, money-hungry world that goes against everything I believe in.

So in the end, I quit and it's awful, but awful at home.

I've now started the novel I'd been meaning to write for months and I've finished some of my favorite video games. I've finally caught up with my friends. I dyed my hair. I walk the dog. I bake for my family all the time. I also decided to go for History as my major, so that's cool. Maybe this could be a new chapter, I don't really feel it but God knows I need to be a little optimistic, for a change.

At least now I have more time to make silly edits, read fanfiction, obsess over bands, and apparently start a blog.

So here we are and I am SO excited!!!!

I've wanted a blog for years and I just never actually did it. But now I want to make use of all the time I have before the real world inevitably drags me back into an office chair.

I want somewhere to talk about history and fandom and grief and all the weird little things that make up a person. Somewhere to put all the thoughts that have been rattling around in my head for years.

So welcome. Have a look around.

Read you later!!