A LETTER TO EVERYONE I'VE LOVED (& LOST)

dear you,

i miss you. if i could turn back time i would, but i’d cut off my own hand before reaching for yours ever again.

there are 26 letters in the alphabet. endless combinations of sounds and shapes that could make up all the things i will never have the courage to say. i don’t talk about it, but i write your initials when testing out a pen.

does that count for something?

the list is long and i could say each of your names, but what good does it do now? there are only so many ways to remind myself of what has passed.

LADY BIRD & MY ENDLESS GROWING PAINS

“You didn't know how to raise me any more than I know how to grow up. And childhood is over, and it wasn't enough.” — Goodbye Rocketship by Maya Hawke

I grew up in the Christian faith, which mostly meant that every Sunday I would sit with a bunch of other kids and listen to stories I found incredibly boring.

But mostly, I remember the beginning. I remember being told that everything I knew had come to be by God's hand. Even then, I knew they were giving me a watered-down version of something much bigger, but I didn't care. That was the story I connected with. "Let there be light" He said, and so there was. And He saw that it was good.